Forum Rules: Click Here! – Problem Registering: E-Mail [email protected] for help!
I used to write silly fan fictions on Internet forums back in the day. Since I’m back on an Internet forum... it's time to do another!
~~ Part 1: Orko’s Quest ~~
> On the planet Eternia, in a strange variation of the original 1983 He-Man show...
> Man-at-Arms is in his lab, proudly holding his newest invention.
Man-at-Arms: "Huzzah! My best work to-date is almost done: the iPhone!"
> Man-at-Arms opens the phone and begins scrolling through an app called TikTok.
Man-at-Arms: "It’s a portal to a digital world, full of socializing, games, and--"
> Man-at-Arms gets an AI-generated brainrot meme on his feed.
Man-at-Arms: "--oh! And, uh... whatever this is! Heh, probably should remove those before launch..."
> Suddenly, BLAM! The door to the lab swings open, startling Man-at-Arms.
> When he flings his arms up, the iPhone slips out of his hands and drops into the nearby metal shredder, crushing it into pieces.
Man-at-Arms: "*gasp* iPhone!"
Orko: "iPhone? No, it’s me, Orko!"
> Enter Orko, who had come through the door. He snaps his fingers, and the sound of a booing audience plays around them.
Orko: "Ooops, heh heh, wrong cue!"
> Orko snaps his fingers again, and the sound turns into a cheering audience.
Orko: "There we go! So, whatcha up to, Man-at-Arms?"
Man-at-Arms: "Well, I was putting the final touches on a new invention, but... it looks like I’ll need to restart."
Orko: "Awww, what a shame."
Man-at-Arms: "You know, Orko, you should really be more care--"
> Orko flies into Man-at-Arm’s face.
Orko: "Say, Man-at-Arms, could ya help me with something? Something AWESOME? Something COOL? Something INCREDIBLE?!?!"
Man-at-Arms: "Oh! Ummm, s-sure! What do you want to do, Orko?"
> Orko deeply inhales, building anticipation for his next words...
Orko: "Make a sandwich."
> Above them, the title text zooms into frame:
ORKO MAKES A SANDWICH
Man-at-Arms: "Gah! W-what is that?"
Orko: "Oh, that’s just the title of the story."
> As quickly as it zoomed in, the title text zooms away.
Man-at-Arms: "Where did it come from? Where did it go?"
Orko: "Don’t worry, it was only here for the intro! So, can you help me out?"
Man-at-Arms: "With... making... a sandwich?"
Orko: "Yeah! I’ve never made one before."
> Orko opens the hatch on his hat and pulls out a cereal box.
Orko: "All I usually eat is this magic cereal I find in my hat!"
Man-at-Arms: "Is that safe to eat?"
Orko: "I dunno, but I’ve been eating it for years, and I’m just fine!"
> Orko pours a gallon of the magic cereal into his nonexistent mouth. He burps out a purple flame, which lights some of Man-at-Arm’s blueprints on fire. Man-at-Arms sighs and puts the flames out with his suit’s built-in fire extinguisher.
Orko: "But, I wanted to tried something new and make a scrumptious meal with my own two hands. I know you’re the best guy in the castle at making things with his own two hands, so I came to you!"
Man-at-Arms: "Well, Orko, you’re too kind--"
> Orko starts bouncing around Man-at-Arms like a spring.
Orko: "So can we do it? Can we make a sandwich? Will you help me? I really wanna! It’d be so cool! I’m so hungry! My head’s getting dizzy from bouncing so much!"
Man-at-Arms: "Ok, ok! I’ll show you how! Let’s go to the kitchen up in the palace."
Orko: "Yippee!"
> Orko shoots confetti out of his sleeves... with a few spiders mixed-in, which crawl around the floor and onto Man-at-Arms’ boots. He shrieks and shakes them off.
Orko: "What are we waiting for? Let’s skedaddle-doodle-do to the kitchen!"
> Orko zips out of the room and towards the door. Man-at-Arms groans and follows him out.
> But, what none of them realize is that Orko’s quest to make a sandwich will soon change the course of Eternia as they know it, triggering a cataclysm of chaos and destruction...
Orko: "Wait, does that text above me say a cataclysm of chaos and destruction???"
> Uhhh... ignore that. It’s not important.
Orko: "Oh, ok! Sandwich time, woop woop!"
> Stay tuned for part two...
~~ Part 2: Kitchen Nightmares ~~
> In the kitchen of the royal palace, Prince Adam is sitting at a table, chowing down on a lovely chocolate cake. He occasionally feeds Cringer a piece, who is reclining at Adam’s feet.
> Enter Teela, who spots Adam and immediately marches over to him.
Teela: "There you are, Prince Adam! And just what do you think you’re up to?"
Cringer: "*Gulp* U-u-uh oh, we’ve been caught..."
Adam: "Oh, hey Teela! I’m just enjoying a delightful pastry on this fine afternoon. Would you like a slice?"
Teela: "No way, Adam! As a soldier of the royal guard, we’re not supposed to be eating sweets all the time. And that includes you, too!"
Adam: "Oh, come on, Teela, what’s the harm in a treat? I’m sure He-Man has a slice of cake every now and then, too!"
Teela: "Hah! What are you implying? That you’re He-Man?"
> Cringer’s eyes widen. Adam tries playing it off.
Adam: "Haha, uhhh... no! That’d be crazy!"
> Teela peers at Adam. She thinks hard. Cringer covers his eyes.
Teela: "Are you sure?"
Adam: "Mmmm... y-yes, of course!"
Cringer: "(whispers) D’oh, w-we’re doomed..."
> Teela’s mind whirls, comparing Adam to He-Man... and how they’re never around at the same time... and how they look suspiciously similar... and how they both have a green tiger companion...
Teela: "Well, ok."
> Silence.
Teela: "Guess you’re not He-Man."
> More silence.
Adam: "Cool."
> Cringer uncovers his eyes, confused as to what just happened.
> BLAM! Orko bursts into the room; Man-at-Arms follows, shaking off what seems to be a purple mud that’s all over his suit.
Orko: "Woo-hoo, we’ve made it to the kitchen! Heh, sorry about the little incident we had on the way here, Man-at-Arms."
Man-at-Arms: "It’s *cough* fine, Orko, *cough* let’s just get to cooking!"
> Teela rushes to her father’s side to help clean the purple mud off of him.
Teela: "Father, what happened?"
Man-at-Arms: "To be *cough* honest, Teela... I’m still not quite sure. *cough*"
Adam: "Are you learning to cook for us, Orko? Perhaps how to bake some more cake?"
Cringer: "O-O-Orko? C-c-cooking? I don’t like the sound of this..."
Orko: "I’m not baking, He-Ma-I-mean-Prince-Adam! Man-at-Arms is gonna teach me how to make a sandwich! I really want one!"
Adam: "Mmm, sounds delicious! Good luck with it, little buddy!"
Teela: "You won’t get to stay and watch, Prince; it’s time for training!"
Adam: "*sigh* Alright, alright. See you all later!"
> Teela leads Adam out of the kitchen. Cringer follows from a distance.
Cringer: "I-I’m gonna go, uhhh, anywhere but h-h-here..."
> Man-at-Arms opens up the pantry to sort through ingredients.
Man-at-Arms: "So, Orko, what kind of sandwich would you like?"
Orko: "There’s different kinds of sandwiches?"
> Orko’s mind is blown. A muffled explosion can be heard from inside his hat.
Man-at-Arms: "Why, of course! A sandwich can be pretty much anything between two slices of bread."
> Man-at-Arms pulls out a loaf of bread and cuts out two slices.
Orko: "Mmm, I see... so could I put the mess in my room between two slices of bread and call it a sandwich?"
Man-at-Arms: "No, Orko, that would just give you two more things to clean up."
Orko: "Drat!"
Man-at-Arms: "How about we start with something simple, like a turkey sandwich. Throw some cheese, lettuce, and tomato on there, and you’ve got a simple but tasty sandwich!"
Orko: "Oooo, sounds great! Let me get the turkey!"
> Orko spins around and waves his hands.
Orko: "Turkey, turkey, come to me! I will eat you, yes indeed!"
> Sparkles appear around Orko, who stops his spell and looks around.
Orko: "Hey, where’s the turkey? Did my spell not work?"
> Man-at-Arms approaches Orko with a slice of turkey.
Orko: "Oh, hey, there it is! My spell did work!"
Man-at-Arms: "No, Orko, I just grabbed this from the refrigerator. You didn’t have to use magic."
Orko: "Ahh, of course! The refrigerator! Lemme go dig around in there for some cheese!"
> Orko zips to the refrigerator and shuffles through the hoards of food.
Orko: "Cheese, cheese, where’s some cheese-- AAAH! BEAST MAN!"
> Orko flexes his hand and shoots a magic beam into the fridge, which bounces around inside until blasting out and through a window outside.
Man-at-Arms: "Beast Man? Inside our fridge?"
> Orko pulls out a chocolate bar and points at the packaging.
Orko: "See? See? Look!"
Man-at-Arms: "Oh, Orko, that’s not Beast Man! That’s his cousin, Mr. Beast."
Orko: "Oh. Heh heh, my mistake! They look so alike..."
> Orko tosses the chocolate bar on the floor and continues hunting for cheese. He comes out with a slice of Swiss cheese.
Orko: "Aww, do we only got Swiss? I like cheddar better!"
> Orko waggles his fingers in front of the cheese, turning it from Swiss cheese into cheddar cheese.
Orko: "Ta da! Now it’s cheddar!"
> The slice of cheddar cheese begins to float. It flies over to Man-at-Arms and begins repeatedly hitting him in the face.
Man-at-Arms: "Ow! Hey! Stop it, cheese!"
> Man-at-Arms knocks it away, but it keeps coming back to hit him. He eventually grabs a pot from the counter and catches the cheese with it.
Man-at-Arms: "Orko, I think you should stop using your magic to make the sandwich..."
Orko: "But, Man-at-Arms, I gotta use it on this lettuce! See, look, it’s all moldy!"
> Orko presents Man-at-Arms with a box full of moldy, chopped-up lettuce he found in the fridge. Orko puts the box on the ground and wiggles his arms at it.
Orko: "Make this lettuce, old and gray, become fresh and live again!"
> Sparkles flow from Orko’s hands to the lettuce; the mold begins to wither away, leaving behind fresh green lettuce. Orko picks up a piece of lettuce and holds it up proudly.
Orko: "Mmm, wonderful! This shall be the special piece of lettuce which I put in my sand--"
Lettuce: "AAAAAAAAA!"
> A startled Orko drops the piece of lettuce on the ground as it begins to scream. The other lettuce still in the box join in the screaming. Man-at-Arms covers his ears.
Man-at-Arms: "Orko, stop with your magic! We can make a sandwich normally!"
Orko: "Ok, uhh, let me stop the screaming first!"
> Orko wiggles his arms at the lettuce again, this time more frantically. Sparkles shimmer around the lettuce as the box they were contained in poofs away.
Orko: "Ummm... did that... work?"
> The pieces of lettuce start to grow...
Man-at-Arms: "Orko, what spell did you cast?"
> And morph into new shapes...
Orko: "Uhhh... heh, well, whenever I’m in a panic, I kinda just cast spells randomly!"
> ...until becoming giant lettuce monsters!
Orko: "...oops."
> The lettuce monsters ROAR at Orko and Man-at-Arms, aggressive and ready for battle.
> Stay tuned for part three...
~~ Part 3: Invasion of the Lettuzoids ~~
> Orko and Man-at-Arms are in the kitchen, surrounded by Lettuzoids.
Orko: "Man-at-Arms, help! What do we do about the Lettuzoids?"
Man-at-Arms: "The... Lettuzoids? Why are they called that?"
Orko: "Because it says so in the title! Part 3: Invasion of the Lettuzoids!"
Man-at-Arms: "What are you talking abou--"
> A Lettuzoid charges at Man-at-Arms and knocks him into the wall. This Lettuzoid is shaped like a rhino; each Lettuzoid is a giant creature of some kind.
Orko: "Wow, a rhino Lettuzoid! I didn’t know they could be rhinos!"
> Man-at-Arms is weak from being knocked into the wall.
Man-at-Arms: "Grnh... they... didn’t exist until *cough* you made them a minute ago!"
Orko: "Well, I know, but... still! A rhino! Cool!"
Rhino Lettuzoid: "ROOOOAAAAAARRRRR!!!!"
> The rhino Lettuzoid begins to run towards Man-at-Arms, who’s still leaning against the wall from the last charge.
Orko: "*gasp* Oh no! Don’t worry, Man-at-Arms, I’ll save ya!"
> Orko tries blasting a magic beam at the Lettuzoid, but it misses, hits some glass, and bounces out the window in the direction of Snake Mountain.
Orko: "Gah, the rhino’s charging too fast! I can’t hit it! Uhh... uhhh... I’ll try this!"
> Orko waves his hands all around and sends a beam of magic at Man-at-Arms.
Man-at-Arms: "No, Orko! Don’t use magic on me!"
> Too late; the spell takes effect, and Man-at-Arms begins glowing a bright white. The light blinds the rhino Lettuzoid, sending it crashing into the table.
> Meanwhile, outside, on the training ground...
> Teela and Adam are engaging in a practice spar. Teela’s swift swordsmanship knocks away Adam’s shield.
Adam: "Hey, I was using that!"
Teela: "Your enemies on the battlefield won’t be as nice as me. I could’ve chopped your arm off, too!"
> Teela and Adam’s swords clash; while they’re at a standstill, Teela kicks Adam’s leg, causing him to fall over. She stands over him and points her sword at his neck.
Teela: "Stand down, Adam! I believe I’ve won this duel."
Adam: "Well, not unless I summon the power of Greyskull!"
Teela: "But, Adam, only He-Man can do that!"
> Adam pauses.
Adam: "Oh... right! Of course! Then, uhh, yeah, you win!"
> While laying on the ground, Adam notices a bright light shining out of a window up in the castle.
Adam: "Hey, Teela... what’s that light up there?"
> Teela looks up and notices it too.
Teela: "Isn’t that the window of the kitchen? Orko and my father were in there!"
> The two then hear a roar come from the window.
Teela: "And that doesn’t sound good! Let’s go!"
> Teela runs off to the castle. Adam gets up.
Adam: "Yeah, uhh, I’ll be there in a second!"
> Adam runs off in the other direction and pulls out his sword. He heads to Cringer, who’s napping under a tree.
Adam: "Cringer! Wake up, Cringer!"
Cringer: "*yawn* I-is it time for d-dinner?"
Adam: "No, Cringer, Man-at-Arms and Orko are in trouble. They need He-Man and Battlecat’s help!"
Cringer: "*sigh* Looks l-l-like I’ve woken up from my dream to a n-n-nightmare..."
> Adam holds up his sword and shouts:
Adam: "BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL!"
> Nothing happens.
Adam: "Uhhh... BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL!"
> Still nothing. Cringer begins to smile.
Cringer: "W-well, m-m-maybe this is still a dream!"
Adam: "I don’t understand... what’s going on?"
> Adam deeply inhales and tries once more, with gusto:
Adam: "BY! THE! POWER! OF! GREEEEYSKUUUUULL!!!"
> Yet again, nada.
Adam: "I can’t turn into He-Man! Did I do something wrong? Am I not worthy of the power anymore?"
> As Adam tries to process what’s happened, he begins to receive a telepathic signal...
Sorceress (telepathic): "It’s not your fault, Adam."
Adam: "*gasp* Sorceress! Why can’t I summon the power of Greyskull?"
Sorceress (telepathic): "Because... well, I’m not quite sure how to explain it, but the strangest thing has happened to Castle Greyskull! Please, come soon, I will need your assistance!"
Adam: "Of course, Sorceress! But, I believe Orko and Man-at-Arms are in danger. May I help them first?"
Sorceress (telepathic): "Yes, Adam, you may, but you won’t be able to help as He-Man. Once they are safe, bring them along with you to help here."
Adam: "Understood. We’ll be there soon."
> The telepathic connection ends.
Adam: "Come on, Cringer! Looks like you can’t be Battlecat for now--"
> During Adam and Sorceress’ call, Cringer set up a party to celebrate. He’s grooving under a disco ball with shades and a party hat, listen to Michael Jackson playing over a speaker.
Cringer: "Woo hoo! No more Battlecat! I’m f-f-freeeeee!"
> Cringer stands on two legs and moonwalks across the field. Adam turns the music off and slices the disco ball in half.
Adam: "No time for a party, Cringer. We still gotta help our friends!"
Cringer: "B... b-b-but--"
> Adam throws Cringer on his back and runs into the castle.
Cringer: "D’oh, my life’s a n-n-nightmare a-again..."
> Stay tuned for part four...